Lost Found?

I gave up on Lost this season. I couldn't handle the long, stagnant stretches. My favorite characters were nowhere to be seen. New characters were introduced without a hint of where they had been. With the exception of Desmond's episode after the hiatus, I was incredibly disappointed. The straw that broke the camel's back was [SPOILERS] when they find the bunker with the dude with the eyepatch. Sayid's episode.

First off, the flashback had no bearing on anything. The main story was OK. More mind games, but at least we were getting some...what? You just blew the building up? Then I hear that you kill eyepatch dude in the following episode?

Pointless. Wasted time. There were a hundred different ways to handle that exposition better than introducing a building you're going to blow up and a character you're going to kill off. I couldn't stomach it and I didn't have the time for it. I realized that I had been watching the show to get angry at it. I can't be doing that when I'm 27. Call me when I'm 80.

So, I read today that the show has an end date set. Shorter seasons. No hiatus. This just might save the show. We'll at least be able to see whether these guys can actually write. There will be no more excuses for them. The studio can't be blamed for running it into the ground. The long season can't be blamed for forcing them into holding patterns (do you remember Kate, Sawyer, and Jack in cages? How's that for a visual metaphor?).

So guys, I'll be back next season. It's your job to keep me there. You've got no more excuses.

I must be tired

I tried to put toothpaste on as deodorant this morning.

I got out of the shower, and the next thing I do every morning is put on deodorant. I opened the medicine cabinet...and reached for the toothpaste.

At this point, one might think I would realize my mistake.

I took the toothpaste in hand, took the cap off, raised my right arm exposing my armpit to apply, raised the toothpaste....

And the only reason, the only reason, that I didn't put on toothpaste this morning as deodorant is because I thought to myself, "How am I going to squeeze this onto my armpit?"

Red-Eye

This one's for all you Chicagoans.

Have you seen the movie Go? If not, it's great. One of the few Pulp Fiction rip-offs to actually make its own ripple in the public consciousness, and deservedly so.

Anyway, a character in the movie has a monologue about the singleframe comic strip Family Circus. He goes on and on about how much he hates it. He's enjoying the funny pages, laughing, having a grand old time. And then there's the Family Circus which, with it's sheer unfuniness, sucks all the joy out of his previous minutes of bliss.

Another character naturally asks why he reads it?

Because it's there.

This is how I feel about the Red-Eye.

Y2K

So at my place of work, our operating system is, well, decrepit. I'm pretty sure it's DOS. But today I found out just how decrepit it really is. If you've read the title, you've probably figured it out. That's right, we've got a Y2K problem.

And you thought it didn't affect anyone. Well it affects me!

I was searching for something from 01 to 03, in my mind 2001-2003. But the computer kept beeping at me and telling me that the "End date cannot come before begin date." So, I looked at those dates hard, trying to see if I've maybe missed something. I know from experience by editing any number of documents, balancing my checkbook, and playing The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for many hours, the slightest thing can slip right by you.

I couldn't find anything. So I called downtown to the agency guru. At which point he revealed that our system has a Y2K problem.

I laughed for a good long time.

Apparently, the changeover from 1900 to 2000 happened in the year 2003. So anything from 2000 to 2002 is read as 1900-1902. Which doesn't explain why it kept telling me that "End date cannot come before begin date" since it clearly does. By about a century. But I think it's the computer's way of throwing up it's hand and yelling, "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! You didn't fix me?!?!"

I lost today

It was beautiful in Chicago yesterday. Early taste of spring. Low 70's and sun.

For some reason, I woke up grumpy this morning. (I think Sixepence None the Richer has a lyric about that.) I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to shower. I didn't want!

So, I decided to be passive-aggressive with the weather. I decided not to check it and I didn't wear a coat.

It's cold now.

Oh, what might have been.

Here, read this. This is from IMDb's Studio Briefing for February 7, 2007. I'll be back at the bottom.


Newly Counted College Kids Give Some Shows Big Boost

Analysts pointed out that several shows last week got a boost as a result of college-age viewers being included in the Nielsen survey for the first time. As Washington Post TV writer Lisa De Moraes observed, "Previously, they got in on the Nielsen action only when they went home to do laundry at holidays." ABC's Grey's Anatomy, Ugly Betty, and What About Brian; NBC's Scrubs and The Office; Fox's Til Death; and CW's Gilmore Girls all saw huge leaps of 50 percent or more in their ratings for 18-49-year-olds. Scrubs, in fact, saw its ratings in that demo double.


Hey, me again.

WHAT!?!?!?!? You just started counting? Can we look at the statistics? One in particular. Scrubs doubled. DOUBLED!!! This from a show that I think has nearly been on the chopping block several times. You think they might reconsider now?

But what pisses me off most about this is the shows that we've lost that we didn't have to lose. The first one that came to mind for me was Arrested Development. You know kids on college campuses were watching that. The other show I thought of was Ed. Now I never watched Ed, but it seems like What About Brian perhaps inherited those viewers. In a conversation I had about this last night, Firefly came up.

I don't know. What do you think? What shows have we lost that we needn't have?

Creed

I got into one of those huge discussions about two weeks ago that's stuck with me. It was the kind of conversation that happens late at night, with or without alcohol. (This one with.) It was about the Bible and sexuality. (I told you it was huge.)

The conversation went all over the place, but at the end, it was me (this is ridiculous!) with a Bible in hand defending why I don't believe in having premarital sex. I should probably say that of the four people involved in this conversation, I was the only one to hold this belief.

I woke up the next morning and didn't feel good (part of it being the bottle of wine I consumed) because the discussion had essentially defined a Christianity that I don't believe in. That Chrisitianity was simply what you can and can't do. Because that's not what Christianity is to me. It's not why I believe.

I didn't become a Christian because I don't believe in premarital sex. Heck, I've had premarital sex in the past. And there it is. That's why I believe. Did you catch it? I did something I don't believe in.

I want to be a better person. But I'm not. I constantly foil myself in big and small ways. So when Jesus says, "I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full," (John 10:10) I have to stand up and say, "Yes. I want that." Because I need something outside of me. Something bigger than me, because I sure as hell can't do it on my own.

One of my favorite singers, Steve Taylor, wrote a song called, "Jesus is for Losers." I'd have to say that's about right.

Stuff I didn't know I knew

"The tickets are for row Q."

My girlfriend is looking at tickets for Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? with Kathleen Turner. I'm trying to help us get good seats.

"What is that," I say, "17 rows back?"

My girlfriend counts. "Yeah. 17."

HOW DID I KNOW THAT? That's amazing, right? I'm amazing.

And we got seats. Not those. We're in the balcony, but closer to the center.

My latest obsession

Modest Mouse's new single, "Dashboard." This song is infectious. Like Oukast's "Hey, Ya" and Smashmouth's "Walkin' on the Sun" that came before, I can't sit still when I hear "Dashboard". My friend Kate will often refer to the time we were walking from Piper's Alley and we passed a bar where "Hey Ya" was blasting from inside. I stopped on the sidewalk and simply started dancing. "Dashboard" is that song. My coworkers love it. I dance at work. And then, it gets inside my head so I hear it all the time. If you happen to be by me and I spontaneously start moving erratically, keep two things in mind: 1) I'm dancing, and 2) I most likely have "Dashboard" in my head. It's on their MySpace page. Check it out, funk soul brother.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.


No, not yet.


The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.

The Bears are going to the Super Bowl.


Wait, what?!!!


THE BEARS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wahoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Sopranos vs. The Wire

First off, apparently not everyone is watching The Wire on HBO. Fix that.

I myself recently began watching The Wire. I expected it to be good. What show on HBO isn't? But you may know me, and if you do, you know that I think The Sopranos is the best show ever produced. And I am not one to change my favorites often. It's a long process that necessitates much mental paperwork in triplicate.

But The Wire made me consider: Is this the best show ever? And I mean "ever." Such large pronouncements from people tend to make me cringe unless it's said with a minimum of 10 years' hindsight, but we are living in a golden age of television. Not since television's inception have we really utilized the medium to its fullest potential.

But back to the question. And the answer: It is one of the best television shows ever. It, along with The Sopranos, is a show that demonstrates exactly what TV can do. One is not better than the other. They are simply different beasts.

The Sopranos focus is character, mainly Tony Soprano. There is not a facet of him that the show has not explored. Many have complained about Season 6: Part 1, but I found it to be one of the best. It placed Tony in new circumstances and showed us what he would do. The other characters are just as rich: Carmela, Paulie, Silvie, Christopher. That is what The Sopranos is about. There are excellent plots lines (Season 1 concerning Tony's mother is probably my favorite), but that is secondary. The plot is there to reveal character. Character is what moves the story.

The Wire is plot. I have not seen anything more intricately plotted. In the first season, a character has a monologue relating their life to a chess game. The metaphor is true for the entire show. And that is what keeps us involved. So many shows create tension by keeping things from the audience. That's cheating. As Hitchcock would define it, that is surprise, not suspense. The Wire provides true suspense. We watch both sides of the law squaring off while we hold more pieces of the puzzle than they do.

The show doesn't use short-cuts in any area. That's what I appreciate the most about it. Almost any show or movie that you watch assumes that you have seen something like it before, and it will use that knowledge to make short-cuts. This is how CSI and Law & Order exist. They know that you've seen police and law procedurals before, so they gloss over some things so they can get to what they really want to show you. The Wire assumes you've never seen anything before. It shows you every detail that goes into making a case. And not in a pedantic way. Everything is handled with such finesse that you feel as if you've never seen, for instance, a courtroom scene. And you probably haven't. You've only seen an approximation. Each season of The Wire is essentially a 12 or 13-hour movie, so they have the freedom to do this.

They apply this same thoroughness to their characters. A stock character is a short-cut. When a stock character is used, there is not much set-up that needs to happen. We've seen them before. They can be thrown into a situation with immediate emotional dividends. While you may initially think you recognize a character on The Wire, they pretend that you don't. They present every situation so that when an emotional payoff arrives, it has been paved and payed for with toil on their parts. It makes it all the more powerful. Characters die on the show, and when they do, you have truly lost someone.

So treat yourself. TV is being used to choose pop stars and a cast for a musical , and that's great. It's a new facet of TV not previously explored. But as an art form, there are people doing incredible work here. If you don't have HBO, rent The Wire or The Sopranos. That's how I'm doing it. Some things are too good to pass up.

Hooray! It's cold!

I love that it is really cold. I am absolutely thrilled that it's snowing. Why? Because I live in Chicago and it's January and 60 degree weather freaks me out.

People look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I'm excited about all of this. Listen, if I didn't want seasons, if I wanted to worry about my tan over the holidays, I would live in California or Florida. But I don't. And you know what? I don't want to live there. I like my seasons. I like bundling up. I like braving the cold. I love to be inside at night when it snows. And I love how sweet it makes Spring when it comes around.

So you can moan and complain all you like and wish for your crazy world. I like that we have the old one back.

iPhone

Did you hear? iPhone has taken over the world.

I swear, Apple announces a new piece of technology and the next day, the world stops and wants. I mean, really wants it.

"Did you see what it can do?"

"It's so cute."

"It's got a touch-screen."

"You can see the albums." (I don't know exactly what this last one means, but my friend sure was excited.)

This discussion happened at my church drama meeting. My church drama meeting! Please don't read the explanation point as saying Apple is the devil, but another friend looked over at me and said, "I feel like Apple is our sponsor." Which we immediately agreed would be awesome.

'Cause Apple makes cool stuff. That's the thing. It's like they look at something and say, "How can we revolutionize this?" And then they do. If Apple announced Monday that they were reinventing the wheel, Tuesday would be Michelin's and Goodyear's worst day.

Happy Birthday!

Yeah, I'm wishing it upon myself. My girlfriend asked me last night if I was one of those people who loves their birthday. I had never thought about this question, but I had to concede...yes, I am one of those people. Now, I have known people that basically force you to celebrate their birthday. That's not my way. You don't even have to remember. I make it easy. I'll probably just let you know. Like this.

I don't usually do anything too special. I just like the day. It's the freedom to do what I want. People allow you that. Like right now, it's 7 a.m. and I'm going to go over to my coffee table and grab the M&M's I just descried.

Nummers!

Tonight, I will probably have pizza and milk and I will sit at home and watch what I want. Mainly, the episode of Friday Night Lights I missed and the new episode of Lost. Not much, but it's my birthday and it's what I want, so I get it.

Friday Night Lights

Everyone's missing it. Everyone's passing it up for other things. They're looking the other way. "But look, over there. It's Stars. They're dancing! Magical dancing stars!" Paint something pretty for the people, they'll flock. Promises of no indigestion, everyone signs up.

I've probably just shot myself in the foot. I have good friends who watch Dancing with the Stars. And I've never gone with the status quo. People instinctively know this about me and generally turn the other way when I say to look. But still I tell you, beg you, to look. Look at Friday Night Lights. It's the best damn show on television.

Did you see the movie? This is not some cheap knock-off. The executive produce of the TV version was the director of the film. It has the same feel.

Don't like football? The finest episode yet was this week and didn't have a game in it. The coach did not tell his wife that it's tradition to have the team over on the week off. 100+ people show up. How this situation was dealt with was alternately hilarious and touching, but at all points true. The other story was the new quarterback dealing with the town's doubts, and his own, that he is capable of getting the job done. Oh, and he finally talked with the girl he likes, leading to the best line of the show.

I don't know what else to say. It has some of the best acting anywhere on TV. I want everyone to watch this show. Check this episode out at nbc.com. This week, it's on this week on Monday, 10 e.t. and 9 c.t. Right after Heroes. Just stop by for a moment. Let me know what you think.

Thanks.

Calamari

I have read The Lord of the Rings. Twice. I have read Ulysses. But the most difficult thing I have ever read is a 9-page short story by Chuck Palahniuk called "Guts".

My friend Kate told me about "Guts". She had gone to hear Chuck read at a Chicago bookfair where he read it. During the reading, she heard some commotion. Police radios squawking. She was afraid Chuck was going to be arrested. But the reading continued. When the story was over, Chuck said, "That makes 54." 54 what? 54 people who had fainted while he read the story. I have to be honest: I had my doubts. 54 people?

"Guts" is now housed in Chuck's book Haunted. I didn't know this at the time. I simply started reading Haunted one morning on the way to work. I read the opening chapter. Then the opening poem about the character Saint Gut-Free. I turned the page. "Guts".

I imagine people who are on Fear Factor have a similar feeling when they are told what their next task is.

I started it on the train. It was rough. It's a short story, but kind of divided into sections. I was getting to the next section and I wanted to read it in one fell swoop. So I put the book down until I was on the bus.

I got on the bus that morning, and it was a warmer day. The bus did not have any sort of air circulation. I sat down and started to read. And I had to stop. I was nauseous and I didn't trust my ability to get through the story. And just like my projectile vomiting experience, I believed.

I have finished "Guts". I respect "Guts". I will probably never read it again. Should you? If this makes you want to read it? Yes. If not, if you turn a page and see "Guts", run.

Here we go!

As you go about your day today, remember this: There are two NFL teams with records. The Steelers are 1-0. The Dolphins are 0-1. It's official. Football season has begun.

I don't know what my problem is. I've never been this excited before. Sure, I think there should be fireworks after the first tackle of the season. And I'm a Bears fan and I have high hopes for Rex Grossman and the Bears this season. But it's more than that. This is fever.

I've paid attention during the offseason. I know what happened in the draft. I've been listening to sports radio and all of the conjecturing that's been bandied about. I know where we're beginning. The framework is set. I can't wait to see where it's going to go.

I'm excited as hell.

A Lesson from Kingdom of Heaven

Saladin: May peace be with you.
Balian of Ibelin: Alakum-al-salam.

This is dialogue from the movie Kingdom of Heaven. I think it is beautiful. Not the semantics. But what is behind the words.

See, Saladin is Muslim and Balian of Ibelin is Christian. They're exchanging their religious salutations and I just remember thinking how beautiful that was. There was no attempt at proselytizing because it's not going to happen in that encounter. There was no hatred. There was an understanding: "This is what is important to me. This brings me joy. I live my life by this. Let me greet you with this." And they did.

I remember thinking how wonderful it would be if we could live like that. I work at a Jewish agency. It would be wonderful if I could say Merry Christmas and in return I would hear Happy Hanukkah. If we could just get past this fear. Because what is "Happy Holidays"? It doesn't promote understanding. It is a fear-mongering statement. It hides what we believe in a murk of ambiguity. We fear what we cannot see. If we could live out in the open. If we didn't have to hide what we believe but if we could share that in small ways. Bestow it on people. At the very least, there would be much less hate.

Movie Watching

The movie is about what happens to you while you watch it. So, pay attention -- to both the movie and your response. If you have reactions to, or questions about, what you're seeing, chances are they'll tell you something about what the movie is doing. Be aware of your questions, emotions, apprehensions, expectations.

--from Jim Emerson's blog, Scanners

My girlfriend and I had a rather heated argument recently over (surprise) a movie. This tends to happen fairly frequently as we come at movies differently. She's more a casual movie watcher. Notice I use the word "casual" here and not "entertainment." As in, "Oh, I watch movies purely for entertainment." I'm not taking anything away from them, but I'd like to know what I'm doing. Watching movies to decrease my blood pressure? I happen to be entertained by movies, period, and I'd like to reclaim that right. I just don't happen to like only "up-beat" movies. I say that a well-made "depressing" movie brings me more joy than a poorly made piece of fluff. A well-made piece of fluff? Well, that's just fun.

That's basically where this argument started, over, of all movies, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. My girlfriend loved it. I didn't. I wanted a well-made piece of fluff. What I got was drudgery interspersed with fun. But what really got me was the end. (Don't worry, you can keep reading. I won't spoil anything.) Because there's this long scene which is boring and unnecessary and meandering and, UGH! I hated it! I kept asking myself, "What are we doing here?" Sure, plot stuff is resolved, but there were a hundred different ways to do it better.

So I'm sitting there...waiting...for something, when, boom! Surprise ending! Fade to black.

And everyone's ecstatic! "Oh, dude, that was awesome!" Everyone except me. Because I'm sitting there, still pissed off about the pointless scene that came before. And then I'm amazed at these people around me. Can they really have forgotten what came before? I'm saying they were as bored as I was, they just didn't realize it. Yes, I'm speaking for them. (And this is where my girlfriend got really pissed. Mostly because I told her she was bored. No, she was entranced by Orlando Bloom.) Perhaps that makes me an elitist asshole. I'm sorry. When a surprise comes along, they're so excited that they forget everything that came before. The whole movie could have been crap, but they don't care.

Why do we let movies get away with this? Would we do this with food? If I'm forced to eat a pile of green beans and then at the end, I'm suddenly rewarded with Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, am I thrilled? No. I'm pissed off.

It runs deeper than this, though. I went to a movie a while ago with some friends and a preview came on that was truly funny. I forget for what. My friends were laughing hysterically. I was, too. The whole theater was. When it ended, not one comment. Then a preview for Dumb and Dumberer came on. I listened. My friends maybe chuckled once. Audience, largely quiet. When it finished, what do my friends say? "Oh, we've got to see that!"

We've got to pay attention to what we're watching. We've got to realize when we're bored. We've got to realize when something's funny. We must pay attention to what we're seeing and how we're reacting. I don't think this is something that only critics should do. We owe it to ourselves. We can have better movies.

That same week, my girlfriend and I went to see Little Miss Sunshine. It, my friends, is a great movie. My girlfriend loved it. What was great was when she said, "You know, I really liked Pirates until I saw this movie." It's the long way around, but that's what I'm talking about.

Sick of Hollywood

That's it! I'm out. I want my old Hollywood back. The one that remembered how to make a summer blockbuster. The ones that were under two hours and fun. The days of Hollywood Lite. I don't want sodden character development and 2 1/2 hour run times leaching my fun summer movies of their fun! Give me my fun and give it to me now! Good gravy, man! I want my 1978 Superman. The one that I grew up with. The one that was fun. The one about Superman and not Lois Lane. (And by the way, Margot Kidder may not have been the ideal choice for Lois, but she certainly kicks Kate Bosworth's ass.) And why on earth does a pirate movie have to be so frickin' long? Show me buckles that swash, some Johnny Depp hijinks, and get me out of dodge. NO ONE BELIEVES THE LOVE STORY! There, free clue. Get it, Bruckheimer!

Because I hold Jerry Bruckheimer entirely responsible. Gore Verbinski directed both The Ring and The Weatherman which are both SHORTER than either of the Pirates movies. I suppose the length is for the themes that need- Sorry, I couldn't finish that joke. And there couldn't possibly be two different people on this great green earth who thought that both Pirates of the Caribbean movies and Bad Boys 2 had to be 2 1/2 hours long. No, that thought could only be conceived in one sick mind.

So this is me, calling out to Old Hollywood. The one from the mid-90's. Come back. Come back to me. Bring me Twister. Bring me Speed. Hell, I guess that means...bring me Jan de Bont.

Screw this. I'm going to pass out watching Elia Kazan's Pinky.