80's TV and Personal Revelations

My roommates, Ziggy and Marisa, and I were reminiscing the other night about TV shows we had watched as kids. Some memories we shared. The PBS show Today's Special was loved by all. Some we didn't. Ziggy didn't remember GoBots at all. Marisa a vague recollection. Ziggy had a foggy recollection of that early computer animated show Reboot. Marisa and I were both all about it. Marisa and I also big fans of The Great American Hero. Ziggy had no clue. Of course, since I didn't have cable, they went off on a tangent about Nick shows.

But through it, there began to emerge a theme for me. It became evident when Ziggy mentioned Scooby Doo.

"I never liked Scooby Doo," I said.

"Why not?"

"It was never a ghost. It was always a person." And then I realized something: I have never been satisfied in knowing the outcome of a show.

People will often ask me why I like the movies I like. "Can't you just like a movie?" Apparently I can't. Apparently I have never been able to. Apparently I have always wanted something that surprises and challenges me. I didn't like Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote because it was predestined what was going to happen. Same with the Tom and Jerry . Variations on a theme. Perfect Strangers. I gave up on the Hardy Boys. Everybody Loves Raymond. Law & Order. I've watched one episode of CSI. It holds no interest.

Why do I like the movies I like? The shows I like? They challenge my expectations. They go exactly where I want them to by going exactly where I don't expect them to. And if I know where we're going to end up, it better be a darn good ride.

So I guess that's the answer to the question. People, I've always been this way.

Gretchen S., don't read this!

Seriously Gretchen, don't read this.

Here we go.

Creed: I believe in projectile vomiting.

I had my doubts. I have never had any first or secondhand experience. The closest I came was sitting in the back of the car when my cousin Curtis was, as I was told, projectile vomiting in the front seat. He was an infant. This might sound like I was right there, but I was in the back seat of a station wagon. Essentailly, I was looking for Europe standing on the shores of New Jersey. And looking West. Oh, but I heard it all. And then my brother, some friends, and I were trying to drown out the sounds by laughing. Then my grandfather got mad and said, "You kids shut up!"

Memories.

Anyway, projectile vomiting. Fascinated. I wondered where the strength to propel vomit from your body came from. I began to think it might be an urban legend. I thought of going to Snopes.com. And then I ate Chipotle Monday afternoon. I learned all about projectile vomiting. You don't need to go to Snopes. I'll tell you right now.

Now, those who have been with me thus far, you may want to turn away now. This is going to get a little graphic.

I was home a little early from rehearsal Monday. I had started to have some diarrhea and apparently looked terrible. So I was lying on the couch, relatively close to the bathroom, getting up occasionally to use it. Still no sickness to my stomach. Then I felt like I should probably get up. It was going to happen. I moved.

Well, that did it. A little came up. "I can hold it," I thought. I broke for the bathroom. That's when it happened.

It was a surreal experience. Yes, I was sick. Perhaps the most sick I've ever felt. But as it happened, all I could think was, "I'm projectile vomiting! It happens!"

Yes, it certainly did happen. And I am not lying when I write it flew 6 feet. I heard it land. That was gross.

I promptly forgot all of this as I was in the midst of experiencing the most intense 5 minutes of vomiting I hope ever to experience. It was like my stomach developed a personality of its own. And it was pissed off. And done after 5 minutes.

That was Monday night. Today is Friday afternoon. My chest muscles still hurt. I'm not lying. It hurts to laugh and breathe deeply.

But I went through this so that you may know projectile vomiting is no urban legend. It's true. And it can happen to you.

Uncle

I cried, “Uncle!” 3/27/06. See, I have – HAD – an ongoing wrestling match with technology, but I got beat. 3/27/06. I was caught by surprise. I mean, I was reading a magazine article. A printed magazine. The kind the mailman brings to— Forget it. You get the picture. It was in the April 3, 2006 issue of Newsweek. The article “Putting the ‘We’ in WEB.” It talks about the revolution that is occurring on the web right now with sites like MySpace and Flickr. Call it Web 2.0. People shaping the web. Guiding it. It’s a fascinating and thrilling article, and…I gave up. I wanted to be a part of it.

Why had I been resisting? I’ve been afraid of it. I’ve been afraid of the speed of change. Of its impermanence. Its intangibility. I can’t go anywhere and pull it off a shelf. Maybe I’ve been waiting for it to slow down. To finalize. For the merry-go-round to stop. For the wheel to point in the direction I need to go. But it won’t. Maybe that’s what I needed from this article. Screaming in my ears. “This is not going to stop!”

But what of this? Isn’t this how we live? Isn’t much that gets us through a day intangible? I believe in God. I’ve never looked on Him with my eyes. Isn’t much of what gets us through a day impermanent? I believe in my memories. I’ve gone back to my elementary school and marveled at how small it’s become.

I’m afraid of the isolation the web can provide us. We don’t have to interact with people anymore. You don’t need to go to the grocery store. I no longer rent movies from a store. “Grocery and video stores are your concern?” Yes. In the name of convenience, people will isolate themselves. In the future, everyone will be agoraphobic.

And I mentioned technology earlier. Is the web any different than technology? Aren’t they becoming synonymous? Will every piece of relevant technology soon be web-compatible? Yes. Doesn’t that frighten me? Yes! I just soiled myself writing that.

And don’t get me started on what happens when one of our beloved systems crashes. We look like we’re Floridians and it’s snowing.

But anyway, I gave up. 3/27/06.

Here’s what I’ve done:
Taken a picture with my phone and posted it on the internet.
Created a MySpace account
Started a blog

Things to do:
Buy something off Ebay.

I’m not going to be a Luddite. This is happening. I need to find myself within the system. The system as it is right now. It may change tomorrow. But I’ll be there.